OPINION:
They didn’t even mention dogs and cats being eaten in Ohio. Allegedly, anyway. It was a fine and illuminating vice presidential debate.
Could have done without the insufferable moderators, of course. They were like a couple of substitute teachers called in on the biggest day of the school year. Everything was a lecture with them.
“Your time is up,” Norah O’Donnell sniffed at Sen. JD Vance of Ohio after he had dismantled Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz on climate change.
Before turning to the next topic, she had to get her own stupid lecture in.
“The overwhelming consensus among scientists is that the Earth’s climate is warming at an unprecedented rate,” she automated like some government drone.
And the moderators always had to have the last word.
When Mr. Vance turned the fact-check cannon on the substitute teachers, debate administrators cut his microphone. I bet CBS wished he had agreed to wear a shock collar, because he kept right on talking.
“The audience can’t hear you because your microphones are cut,” she taunted.
What insufferable dingbats.
Mr. Vance was prepared, methodical, poised and persuasive. He came to debate. He defended and promoted former President Donald Trump’s record and policies and prosecuted the case against Vice President Kamala Harris and Mr. Walz.
Mr. Walz came prepared to argue with his neighbor about putting his trash out on the wrong night.
“I’ve become friends with school shooters,” he said at one point. “I’ve seen it. Look, the NRA — I was an NRA guy for a long time.”
It was one of many lines of the night that did not call for a “fact check” so much as a “wellness check.” Like maybe a gander in the ear to see if light was shining through from the other side. President Biden watched the debate from the White House and marveled how beautifully Mr. Walz channeled Mr. Biden’s last debate performance.
In fairness to Mr. Walz, it was apparently the first time he has ever been asked a question about anything. The poor guy looked terrified and wide-eyed, his jiggling jowls staring into the camera like some kind of fruitcake.
Asked about one of the many biographical lies he has been caught in — this one about traveling to China — Mr. Walz launched into a word salad that would have confused even Kamala Harris.
“I’ve not been perfect,” he explained. “And I’m a knucklehead at times.”
It was a line of gibberish that even the substitute teachers were not buying. They repeated the question.
“Alls I said on this is that I got there that summer and misspoke on this.”
Confused silence.
“So, I, I will just — that’s what I said.”
Confused painful silence.
Mr. Walz looked around. Looked to Mr. Vance for help. Remembered it was a debate so Mr. Vance would not help him. Looked back to the moderators.
Even more painful confused silence.
“So I was in Hong Kong and China during the democracy protest,” he said, unsatisfactorily.
“And from that I learned a lot of what needed to be in governance.”
This time, Mr. Walz was really done, and he put his head down and pretended to write something on the little piece of paper on his lectern.
“Thank you, governor,” the substitute teacher finally replied, and the whole nation breathed a sigh of relief.
At another point, Mr. Walz tried defending the millions of aliens the vice president has allowed into the country illegally, many of whom are now living in hotels at taxpayer expense in “sanctuary cities” across the country — policies that both Ms. Harris and Mr. Walz have supported for years.
Specifically, he was trying to explain how these millions of new people living in the United States have not made housing more expensive for honest, taxpaying, law-abiding U.S. citizens.
“Those of you listening tonight, that house is a big deal,” Mr. Walz said, again not answering any questions but instead just talking about himself.
“I bought and owned one house in my life. My mom still lives in the house where I was. I’m thinking of Christmas services after midnight Mass where you got with your family. We need to make it more affordable.”
Americans were hoping for a Christmas miracle. All we got was a fruitcake with a Jell-O word salad.
• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at The Washington Times.
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