OPINION:
For many, Thanksgiving and the following holidays are sadly among their darker and more difficult moments. What is for many a season of togetherness, celebration and gratitude is for others a stark reminder of their own suffering.
The loss of a loved one only seems more overwhelming when you confront their empty seat at the Thanksgiving table. Family dysfunction makes gathering difficult and sometimes painful. Illness and loneliness can loom grimly over our holidays as well.
As a minister, I’m no exception. I’ve spent several holidays, including Thanksgiving, in the hospital with family members.
But the more important — and pertinent — fact is that none of us is an exception to this. Ecclesiastes 9 tells us in no uncertain terms that religion and piety won’t spare us from suffering.
Yet the holidays I spent in the hospital, while objectively days of suffering and doubt, were also days of joy. Family and friends helped me keep vigil there. My family and I were able to leave the hospital together at the end of both trips, safe and with a plan for full health.
These occasions reminded me that biblical gratitude isn’t about rejoicing in the absence of suffering but rejoicing whether or not you suffer. Joy can be present in sorrow, hardship or even grief — but we must be capable of receiving it and perceiving God’s goodness even in our darkest moments.
Perhaps this is you. Perhaps it’s someone you know. Finding goodness in the season and encouraging others to do the same is still possible. It is possible — and I would argue, necessary — to rest in hope amid suffering.
When you can sustain hope, you can endure anything.
But despite being essential to living — and suffering — well, hope isn’t the sort of thing that comes when we call. We must ensure we can receive it when it’s given to us or see it when we’re reminded it’s there. There are a few specific things that help make this possible. We can trust in God and in his promises. We can receive hope from others and foster it further by giving it to others.
When you or those you love suffer, it can be hard to remember that God is good and that God is not against you. But it is particularly true in seasons of affliction.
God is not punishing you. He is not carrying out vindictive wrath. He loves you and invites you closer to him at every moment of every day. Romans 5 reminds us that trials help us develop endurance, strengthen our character and deepen our hope in the love and salvation God offers all of us.
Suffering cannot be avoided. It should not be minimized. It is the way we find real and abiding hope. But this difficult work isn’t something we can undertake alone, nor is it something God made us experience in isolation.
That brings me to my second suggestion: Ask for help. Accept the help that is offered to you. To suffer well, you will need help that you cannot give yourself.
At Bay Area Christian Church, I not only witnessed this in the lives of people in the church but have also received this countless times in my own life. One of these friends has been by my side since my firstborn son’s Down syndrome diagnosis and for all of his life thereafter.
That same friend helped me when my older sister was dying of cancer. He has been a transformative presence as a doctor, fellow Christian and friend in the lives of countless families in our church community, particularly families with special-needs children.
These friends are how God helps console and support us. He works powerfully through other people — and for that reason, being open to God’s will for us means remaining open to the people God has put in our lives to help.
The flip side of being receptive to others and the help they offer is being willing to be that person, being willing to be the help God offers to someone. In John 4:34-35, Jesus asks his disciples to look around at the “vast fields of human souls” waiting for ministry and loving witness.
When we open our eyes and look around us, we see people’s humanity more clearly. When we observe this, it should elicit compassion and empathy to reach out and be the hope of Jesus that people desperately need.
Thanksgiving and the holiday season aren’t just for celebrating the blessings we’ve already received. The season puts us into rare and precious contact with the needs of others — and maybe, just maybe, it helps remind us of our own dependence.
So let us celebrate Thanksgiving, no matter how sorrowful or joyful our lives may be, no matter how abundant or scant our table may seem.
Let Thanksgiving be a time for us to remember that our hope is and always has been in God and his promises for us. Let this holiday be a time to receive hope from those in a position to offer it and restore it in those who need consolation most.
• Russ Ewell is executive minister of Bay Area Christian Church. A minister for more than 40 years, his teaching is rooted in providing hope for those turned off by tradition, and infused with vision for building the transformative church for which the 21st-century public hungers.
Please read our comment policy before commenting.