OPINION:
Thanksgiving is a time for families to come together, celebrate, and reflect on what they’re thankful for. However, it can also be a time when political tensions boil over, especially when family members have differing views.
If you want to keep the peace this year and avoid contentious political arguments, there are several strategies you can use to defuse potential conflicts and promote civil conversation.
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Don’t spike the ball with the win
After a major election or political victory, it might be tempting to gloat if your candidate came out on top. Some, in viral memes and reels, are calling for people to ambush family members who believed in a losing candidate. However, turning the conversation into a victory lap can spark unnecessary arguments. Instead of focusing on how or why your candidate won, shift the conversation toward the challenges that lie ahead.
If your candidate has been elected, acknowledge that winning is only the first step and that there are pressing issues to address. By focusing on the future and the need to solve problems together, you encourage a forward-thinking discussion rather than a divisive one.
To make this work, remember the “verb tense rule.” Talking in past tense often comes across as blaming, while present tense can imply a moral judgment. Instead, use future tense to focus on what needs to be done moving forward. This simple shift can help avoid sounding like you’re reliving past grievances or triumphs.
For example, if they talk about Jan. 6, 2021, then maybe ask, “In the future, how do you think Americans, including yourself, can protest something you feel is wrong even if you find out you were wrong?”
Ask questions, don’t make assertions
Rather than launching into a lecture about why your candidate is the best, ask open-ended questions to encourage thoughtful dialogue. Ask your relatives how they believe the opposing candidate would address current issues, or ask, “What do you think the current administration could do to solve [insert issue]?”
Asking questions instead of making declarative statements allows the conversation to feel more like a discussion rather than a confrontation. It also shows respect for others’ opinions and can help move the conversation away from debate and toward understanding.
It is also good for your sanity as well and hopefully can help the other side see weaknesses and start to break down their own barriers.
Acknowledge weaknesses in your candidate
One way to keep a conversation civil is to acknowledge the flaws in your own candidate. If someone criticizes your candidate for being brash or dishonest, instead of immediately defending them, take a step back and admit that, yes, those qualities are a concern. A simple, “I get why you might feel that way about Donald Trump, and I don’t agree with everything he’s done either,” can go a long way in fostering a more respectful conversation.
Acknowledging your candidate’s shortcomings shows maturity and can help lower the temperature of the discussion. It also makes you appear open-minded, which can encourage others to listen to your perspective more thoughtfully. This is the start of allowing the other side to soften and become more open-minded.
Recognize past problems you may have overlooked
It’s easy to overlook flaws in a politician you support while criticizing those of the opposition. However, if you’re critical of one candidate’s past actions – such as the affair scandals surrounding Bill Clinton – it’s important to hold your current candidates to the same standard. For instance, don’t pretend that Mr. Trump’s sexual life is immune to scrutiny simply because you agree with his stance on immigration.
By avoiding contradictions in your political views, you show that you’re not blindly partisan. This can make others feel more comfortable engaging in a civil conversation without feeling like they are being judged or dismissed. Oh…and don’t think they forget what you said last year as you probably didn’t forget what they said either.
Manage your emotions
It’s natural to feel strongly about political issues, but when emotions start to run high, it’s important to find ways to stay calm. If you feel yourself getting upset, take a deep breath and give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts. A simple “Let me think on that” can help you regain composure and steer the conversation in a more positive direction.
“I don’t know” is a great answer
If you’re unsure about a political topic or don’t have all the facts, it’s perfectly okay to admit it. Saying “I don’t know” is far more productive than pretending to have all the answers. Not only does it avoid misinformation, but it also opens the door for a more informative discussion. If you don’t know the answer, ask questions, research later, and continue learning.
Being honest about your knowledge level helps prevent unnecessary arguments and promotes a more respectful exchange of ideas.
Thanksgiving is a time to connect, share meals, and create lasting memories with family and friends. By following these strategies, you can avoid political arguments that might put a damper on the holiday. Instead of focusing on differences, use your time together to foster understanding, appreciate diverse perspectives, and emphasize the importance of working together for the future. By doing so, you’ll help keep the Thanksgiving spirit alive — no matter what’s happening in the political world.
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Peter Demos is the author of “On the Duty of Christian Civil Disobedience” and the host of “Uncommon Sense in Current Times.” A Christian business leader from Tennessee, Demos uses his biblical perspective and insight gained from his own struggles to lead others to truth and authenticity in a broken world. To learn more, visit peterdemos.org.
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