OPINION:
Dear Dr. E: I’m a brand-new dad. My wife and I had our first child (a little boy) just a couple of weeks ago, and I’m wondering if you have any advice for young parents who want to raise their children to become responsible adults in a world that, quite frankly, seems to be becoming crazier every day. — EXCITED BUT ALSO SCARED FROM SPRINGFIELD, ILLINOIS
Dear Excited: I was once told a story about a graduate who was given a multitude of gifts following his graduation from high school. Family and friends gathered to celebrate his achievement and graciously blessed him with many presents, and he was thankful for all of them. He most definitely appreciated the cash; it certainly did not go unspent. But, of all the gifts he received celebrating his graduation, the one he would grow to appreciate the most would be the one he questioned the most upon receipt—jumper cables.
“Why in the world would someone give jumper cables as a graduation gift?” the young man thought as he smiled and thanked the gift’s giver. But this gift would be the one he would never forget; one he would use for years.
The jumper cables were given by someone with a long-term perspective. Money and gift cards were more attractive gifts, sure to be appreciated by anyone. But the man who gave the jumper cables knew the difference between wants and needs. He understood that a day would come when this young graduate would need the very thing that would keep him from being stranded. It was a gift that no one else even considered giving.
The jumper cables proved their worth several times over. On multiple occasions, the graduate found himself stuck—the victim of the mechanical difficulties anyone who drives an older car is sure to understand. When a dead battery threatened to stop him dead in his tracks, a questionable gift from years earlier became the best gift of all. Long after the cash was spent and gone, there were many times when he was genuinely grateful that he had the jumper cables.
The cables were what he needed in times of crisis. They kept him moving, and they gave him a degree of independence and some measure of freedom. Rather than having to wait for a tow truck to come to his rescue, all he had to do was flag down a friend with a working car and battery, get out his cables, and solve his own problems.
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The cables also gave him the means to stay on task and accomplish the everyday, mundane tasks of life. For example, right after he bought his first home, his lawn mower wouldn’t start—he pulled out those cables and jump-started the mower.
They also gave him what he needed to help others. He couldn’t count the times he used those cables in the heat of summer, the cold of winter, torrential rain, or scorching sun to help others who weren’t prepared themselves.
The moral of this story is obvious. The greatest gifts we are given are often the ones that we may not understand when we receive them. The gifts that carry lasting value are the ones that rarely catch our eye at first glance. We really didn’t “want” them. But later on, they bring a sigh of relief when we need them most. Those gifts are priceless because they meet a need we may not have seen coming.
Wisdom to face situations that we cannot fathom — the crises in life that we didn’t anticipate — is a gift that is often underappreciated. An umbrella that gives shelter when the rain pours is never truly appreciated until the storm begins. Gloves are scoffed at until frostbite begins to set in. A flashlight seems cheap until the power goes out, and you are left in the dark, and the same can be said for jumper cables.
My advice to you is to always give your new son what he needs, not what he wants. While it may be hard at the time, when the crisis comes, he will be able to take responsibility for his situation rather than be held at the mercy of others. Teach him to be the solution rather than to complain about the problem. Teach him that life isn’t easy and that it is his job to figure out how to help himself and help others. Don’t run to his rescue every time things get uncomfortable for him. Give him the “jumper cables” of life that allow him to fix the problem himself, and he will be forever grateful.
If you are seeking guidance in today’s changing world, Higher Ground is there for you. Everett Piper, a Ph.D. and a former university president and radio host, takes your questions in his weekly ’Ask Dr. E’ column. If you have moral or ethical questions for which you’d like an answer, please email askeverett@washingtontimes.com and he may include it in a future column.
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