OPINION:
The satirical website Babylon Bee nailed it again with a headline this week: “Trump Preps For Debate Against Biden By Going to Nursing Home And Arguing With Dementia Patients.”
The piece detailed a fictitious conversation between the former president and a Shady Oaks Assisted Living facility resident.
“George, you’re wrong about lime JELL-O. Nobody likes it,” Trump said as he argued with a 94-year-old dementia patient who claims to be constantly observed by Russian spies. “It doesn’t taste good! Everyone’s telling me all the time how much they hate it and you’re telling me they should serve it every day? On DAY ONE I will ban lime JELL-O.”
That’s the 2024 campaign in a nutshell. The incumbent president is (many think) mentally compromised, or at the very least (everyone else agrees) kind of out there.
And let’s be honest: Mr. Trump sure doesn’t seem like he’s all there, either. Here’s an excerpt from a stump speech he delivered this week:
“Well, what would happen if this boat is so heavy and started to sink and you’re on the top of the boat? Do you get electrocuted or not? In other words, the boat is going down and you’re on the top, will the electric currents flow through the water and wipe you out?”
Yeah, so that’s where we are. We’ve got an 81-year-old career politician with flagging health running against a 78-year-old man-child who was found guilty of 34 felony charges late last month. These are our candidates. These are the only two guys Americans can choose from when we go to the polls on Election Day.
In the run-up to the first presidential on Thursday, both sides are lowering expectations (a typical campaign trick). Oh, our guy isn’t that good — have you seen the other guy? Man, can he debate! We’ll be lucky to even break even with that genius!
Think we can’t go lower? Oh, we can go lower. “The incumbent president always loses the first debate,’ former Obama adviser Dan Pfeiffer said during a recent event. David Axelrod, the former campaign chief for former President Barack Obama, added: “The history of incumbent presidents in first debates is pretty dismal.”
Mr. Biden, who really doesn’t seem to have the energy to be president — let alone the steam to take the garbage out — decided to take the whole week off and hole up in the presidential retreat Camp David to prepare. He’s got 16 advisers with him to get him ready (for an hour or two a day until the president needs a nap).
Meanwhile, his closest pals (the mainstream media) are busy lowering the bar. To them, if Mr. Biden remains conscious for the full 90-minute debate (moderated, of course, by the mainstream media puppets at CNN), he wins.
This is the first time in the modern era that a single network sets the rules for a presidential debate. There’s no audience, and Mr. Trump’s microphone will be muted whenever CNN decides. It’s unclear at this point if Mr. Biden will have a cot nearby to nap when Mr. Trump goes into one of his tirades.
Mr. Trump, who doesn’t look like he could walk up a steep hill for too long, is also busy lowering expectations. Anthony Scaramucci, his former White House communications director, recently said Mr. Trump “hates” preparing for debates (“Man, I didn’t even study for that test and I still got a C!”).
Back in May, Mr. Trump said: “Crooked Joe Biden is the WORST debater I have ever faced — He can’t put two sentences together!” A couple of days later, he said of Mr. Biden, “He can’t walk. Can’t find his way off a stage. Can’t put two sentences together.”
But that’s all changed. Now, his team is busy saying Mr. Biden is quite a capable debater who should be feared for his skills. Potential Trump running mate and Republican North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum said on Sunday: “This guy has got the ability, and we’ve seen it. We’ve seen him in debate four years ago. We’ve seen him in the State of the Union this year — that when he needs to, he can step up.”
And so the bar is as low as it can go. If Mr. Biden doesn’t soil his Depends, he wins. And even if Mr. Trump gives him a thrashing, don’t look for the mainstream media to say anything of the sort.
In the end, we — the American people — all lose. That’s why the Babylon Bee concluded its article with this bit of wisdom: “At publishing time, sources confirm that if Trump fails to win the presidency he will be welcome at Shady Oaks Assisted Living.”
• Joseph Curl covered the White House and politics for a decade for The Washington Times. He can be reached at josephcurl@gmail.com and on X @josephcurl.
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