OPINION:
It’s all over but the scream.
After her second double-digit loss in the Republican primary Tuesday, Nikki Haley gave another delusional “victory” speech. She is a trans loser, stealing valor from Donald Trump by identifying as a winner despite all confirmed scientific evidence.
“They’re falling all over themselves saying this race is over,” she said with a beaming smile you might find in the happy wing of the mental ward.
“Well, I have news for all of them. New Hampshire is first in the nation. It is not last in the nation! There are dozens of states left to go!”
Luckily for her, she did not at that moment let loose a guttural scream, or punch the air with a roundhouse kick.
Back in 2004 when Howard Dean, the physician-turned-failed-politician, gave his delusional “victory” speech, it ended his career. To be fair, that was before “trans” became so popular.
“Not only are we going to New Hampshire, we’re going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and we’re going to California and Texas and New York!” he said, just getting warmed up.
“And we’re going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan,” he shouted, building up steam. “And then we’re going to Washington, D.C., to take back the White House! Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
He rode that scream into the sunset of his political career.
As the bumper stickers on the back of Volvos everywhere that year said, “DATED DEAN, MARRIED KERRY.”
The poor Democratic voters had flirted with Howard Dean through the early primary campaign but eventually decided to “marry” the safer bet, John Kerry. Mr. Kerry, of course, would go on to lose the general election to George W. Bush in humiliating fashion.
Not that it hurt Mr. Kerry, who in the 20 years since that ignominious defeat has refused to take the hint that voters do not like him and has somehow managed to remain on the public teat and in the public eye ever since.
Say what you want about John Kerry: He knows how to marry. Before Democrats wed him in 2004, Mr. Kerry married the wealthy widow Teresa Heinz and got a private jet as part of the deal.
The planet-destroying plane is called the Flying Squirrel. But when Mr. Kerry is on board, it is called the “Flying Cockroach.”
Ms. Haley’s bizarre trans loser speech in New Hampshire was not her first loco rodeo. After losing the Iowa caucuses the week before, she declared the Republican primary a “two-person race” — even though she came in a distant third.
Neither math nor reality is her thing, apparently.
After her New Hampshire delusion, the satirical website Babylon Bee reminded us why it is putting the political news industry out of business.
“Nikki Haley Announces She Has Won New Hampshire By Negative 12 Points.”
Seriously, what more can be said?
The only thing separating Nikki Haley and Howard Dean on the absurdity scale is that Ms. Haley did not even try naming any future state primaries where she might win. That’s because there are not any.
She is not even competing in Nevada, which means she will ride into her home state of sweet South Carolina on three defeats, a lot of support from Democrats, and piles of cash from political donors who will pay any price to keep Donald Trump from returning to the White House.
Sadly for Nikki Haley, voters decide elections in America, and no level of trans delusion and stolen valor changes that.
• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at The Washington Times.
Please read our comment policy before commenting.