OPINION:
It’s Valentine’s Day, so my dating and married friends are checking up on me.
“You doing OK?” “Any plans for the evening?” “It’s not that big a deal, you know.” “Don’t worry, Jeremy and I aren’t doing anything, either.” “You know this day is just a greeting card company conspiracy, right?”
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Yeah, I know. And I’m fine. Contrary to my friends’ assumptions and despite being chronically single, I don’t need an intervention. Yet.
I may be weird, but I love Valentine’s Day. I love red, pink, chocolate and flowers. I will watch the cheesiest rom-com without shame. I’ll laugh at the candy heart puns. I love it all.
Not everyone does, I know. Come to think of it, do couples like Valentine’s Day? The pressure. The expense. The impossible-to-get reservation at the impossibly pretentious restaurant. Dressing up. Leaving the house. The effort and energy. Gaah.
Most of my married friends would pass on V-Day if they could. Yet singles tend to bear the brunt of Valentine’s Day’s collective malaise. After all, the holiday is dubbed Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.) for a reason.
Yes, it stings to be the odd man out in the romance revelry. To stay home when your friends are off celebrating. To scroll through another set of engagement photos on Instagram when your BFF is posing for them. That’s not limited to Valentine’s Day, by the way. That’s any day of the year.
So, are single adults relegated to an evening in with a pint (don’t be ridiculous — two pints) of Ben and Jerry’s and another showing of “When Harry Met Sally”? Should we write and agonize over a list of all our exes who did us wrong? Or maybe download the latest dating app and create a profile to ensure that this whole tragic scenario never happens again?
Nah. Let’s do things differently this year. And you couples can help us. In fact, together we can all do Valentine’s Day better. Because marriage is no guarantee against loneliness just as singleness doesn’t ensure it. Here are a few ways to help make Valentine’s Day bearable (and even fun) for your single friends.
State the facts. I already said this, but V-Day is tough for some. Maybe your friend recently went through a breakup or divorce. Maybe she thought she’d be married by now but isn’t. Don’t ignore her reality or try to sugar-coat it. Let her grieve. Lend an ear. Remind her of her value apart from her relationship status. Turn her to the truth. As a Christian, I love going to the Psalms. After all, God encourages us to “pour out our complaint” to Him: a wise move because God cares about my heartache more than anyone — and He’s the only one who can do anything about it.
Show some love. Everyone else is giving and getting flowers today. They’re writing cards. They’re showing care and kindness. Don’t leave your single friends out of the loop. Write a note of encouragement to your single friend. Take him to lunch. Buy your coworker flowers so she doesn’t have to send them to herself. A little goes a long way to say “I see you. You matter. You are special to me.”
Invite them in. Eschew the cliché fancy dinner with your better half for something different: Host dinner at your place and invite your single friends (OK, you can also include some couples; no need to discriminate). Have everyone bring something, play a game or watch a movie, and be grateful that true relationship extends beyond romantic feelings.
Offer prayer. Don’t know what to say to your single friends and family members? Hint: Don’t say, “Why are you still single?” or “Are you sure you’re not being too picky in finding a mate?” Instead, ask the single person in your life how you can pray for them. It opens the door for them to share as much or as little as they’d like about the current state of their life and heart. Then — and this is important: Pray for them. Pray right then and there, then follow up later with a call or text.
Valentine’s Day can be tough for anyone, but you can make it a little easier on your friends who are planning to white-knuckle it through because of their single status. Just think: With a little creativity and compassion, you have the power to vastly improve someone’s day or week. And who knows? It may even improve yours.
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Lisa Anderson is the director of young adults at Focus on the Family where she manages Boundless and hosts “The Boundless Show,” a national radio show and weekly podcast. She’s the author of “The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage With Purpose.”
Focus on the Family is a Washington Times’ Higher Ground partner – be on the lookout for more content from the Focus on the Family team. Focus on the Family is a global Christian ministry dedicated to helping families thrive. We provide help and resources for couples to build healthy marriages that reflect God’s design, and for parents to raise their children according to morals and values grounded in biblical principles.
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