OPINION:
My friend once preached a forty-nine-minute sermon on divorce. When I asked if there was anything he would do differently, he answered, “Preach longer.”
I get it. Forty-nine minutes barely scratches the surface. There are so many issues and deeply personal situations, and while I can’t answer every question, I can turn to Scripture.
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Question 1: What does God think about divorce?
In the beginning, God made a man, a woman, and a marriage.
“A man will … be united to his wife,” Jesus said (Mark 10:7). In Greek, the verb means “glued” to her. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9).
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If you try to separate two pieces of paper glued together, there is no clean break. Our Father hates divorce because He hates to see His beloved children suffer the consequences of one being torn into two.
God hates divorce because God loves biblical marriage — loving and serving, not because your spouse deserves it but because you follow the Lord of undeserved love.
Question 2: What are godly reasons to divorce?
Divorce happens. And there are reasons for you to leave in peace and move forward with God’s help.
In Matthew 19, Jesus declared that except for “sexual immorality,” you can’t separate, divorce, or remarry.
If you’ve been the victim of sexual immorality, you can get a divorce without sinning. Filing for divorce does not mean the divorce is your fault. God hates what first caused the marriage to end, not the first one to go to court.
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The apostle Paul adds a second reason for divorce:
“A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife… . But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:10,11,15
If he “leaves,” you are not bound. You can divorce. This is often called the cause of desertion.
But notice that Paul says, “In such circumstances.” Not “In this circumstance,” as if physically leaving were the only form of desertion. There are other circumstances when one person deserts the vows of marriage. When you are striving to keep your vows, but your spouse isn’t, then you are not bound to that marriage. You can divorce.
How do you know if you have God’s blessing to get a divorce or need to keep working on your relationship? You will need some loving, biblical, objective assistance from those around you.
Question 3: What about life after divorce?
The victim of adultery or desertion has three options:
- Remarry: You are not bound in such circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:15). You are free to remarry without stigma or shame.
- Remain single: 1 Corinthians 7 celebrates singleness. You can worship God with a single life, finding companionship with family and friends.
- Reconcile: Just like Jesus takes you back after you’ve broken your vows yet repented, you could take back your ex. Your second marriage could remind the world of God’s desire to reconcile with us.
But what if your sin ended the marriage? God gives two commands (not options):
- Repent: God commands you to repent. Turn your back on your sin, the idol that led to desertion, and turn back to God.
- Repair: God commands you to repair. Does your ex want to be married? Then God commands you to go back and start a new marriage, one drastically different from the dysfunctional version you left, with God at the center.
Has your ex moved on? Then God commands you to live in peace, own your sin, and apologize to your ex and to Jesus.
What if you ignored reconciliation and remarried someone else? You need to repent for your sins committed in ignorance or stubbornness. God forgives really messed-up stuff. What you have done in your relationship history, no matter how unbiblical, isn’t unforgivable. And God wants you to stay with your new spouse. Even if it had a sinful start, your marriage can have a godly ending.
Question 4: What does God think about the divorced?
Jesus gave grace to the woman at the well (John 4), the same grace offered to you, whether your marriage is a mess or you’ve been divorced enough times to know the county clerk by name.
Christ died so there would be no second-class Christians, no people only partially holy. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).
Jesus does not change. He does not vow to stay and then decide to go. He will be with you forever. Jesus died so that you and I — single, divorced, dating, married, remarried — might be the bride of Christ, the beloved. So be loved because that’s what God thinks about the divorced.
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Excerpt taken from “Taboo: Topics Christians Should Be Talking About but Don’t” by Mike Novotny (© 2024 Time of Grace Ministry).
Mike Novotny is an author, pastor, and speaker who holds a Master of Divinity from Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary and a Doctor of Ministry from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Mike is the lead speaker for Time of Grace, a global media ministry that is committed to ensuring that God’s grace—his love, glory, and power—is accessible around the world. In his latest book “Taboo: Topics Christians Should Be Talking About But Don’t”, he covers deeply personal, vulnerable, and emotional topics, handling them with grace and respect. “Taboo” is a must-read for Christians looking for a biblically based resource to modern questions.
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