OPINION:
Over 2 million couples are expected to tie the knot this year, and many of us will be invited to attend several of those weddings. It’s always fun to see the happy bride and groom begin their journey together with such optimism and enthusiasm.
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My wife Jean and I were married on August 24, 1986, a sun-drenched day in Santa Ana, California. We’ve had a wonderful marriage, but we’ve also navigated our way through various seasons of challenge. We have faced difficulties in our extended families, relocated to new cities, and raised two boys.
One of the biggest challenges to our marriage – ironically enough – was when I became the president of Focus on the Family. I was taking on the leadership role at an organization created to help families around the world. Would we be expected to have a perfect marriage? Perfect children? We had to think through those questions and figure out how we were going to work together to keep our relationship strong.
We discovered that great marriages don’t happen by accident. Strong couples don’t coast along on autopilot. Yet, stressful moments become a daily opportunity for husbands and wives to work together as a team.
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Lately, I’ve been burdened for couples whose marriages have hit the doldrums. Sailors know this term well. The doldrums are a term used to describe an area near the equator. It’s where trade winds meet other trade winds, and the winds are known to die out altogether. As a result, ships that rely on those breezes are stalled and have been known to drift aimlessly for days.
The same can happen after the thrill of the honeymoon fades. For too many, the excitement of the chase is over. Each day begins to resemble the one prior to it. There’s no excitement. No playfulness. It’s a recipe for disaster.
My friends Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott have committed and dedicated their professional lives to helping married couples go the distance. They’ve been on my radio program numerous times and have shared with me six ways husbands and wives can put the spark back in their marriage if and when the doldrums hit. Here they are:
1. Count your blessings. Nothing can increase happiness more quickly in a relationship than shared gratitude.
2. Try new things. Falling into a routine, or even a rut, is easy. But that is a killer to happiness, so you’ve got to shake it up.
3. Dream a dream. The moment a couple quits looking to the future together is the moment they become vulnerable to dissatisfaction.
4. Celebrate each other. We all applaud the big things, but it’s the little and unexpected celebrations that can make or break a couple’s happiness.
5. Attune your spirits. The soul of every husband and wife hungers for deeper connection and a greater sense of shared meaning, and when it’s found, happiness abounds. Married couples who attend church together tend to be happier than couples who rarely or never attend services.
6. Add value to others. When a husband and wife do good beyond their marriage, happiness envelops their relationship like never before.
As I alluded to, from the very beginning of our marriage, Jean and I were determined to make our relationship work – with God’s help. From time to time, that bedrock of commitment sparked a desire in us to get Christian counseling, which ultimately helped untangle the difficulties in our backgrounds that were weighing us down.
As a result of prayer, biblical counsel and, ultimately, the grace of God, our marriage today is stronger than ever. God has filled our lives with many blessings, including two wonderful boys. Jean is a godly wife and wonderful mother to our children. She truly is “my crown.”
If you’re needing similar help, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Focus on the Family. We have licensed and pastoral counselors on hand to listen and provide initial guidance and resources including an offer to pray with you. With God’s help and you and your spouse’s humility and hard work, your marriage can go the distance.
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Jim Daly is president of Focus on the Family and host of its daily radio broadcast, heard by more than 6 million listeners a week on nearly 2,000 radio stations across the U.S. He also hosts the podcast ReFocus with Jim Daly.
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