Graduation, prom season are here, but these 2 areas deserve your teens full attention now

OPINION:

Graduation and prom season are in full swing this spring, and teenagers and parents are getting caught up in the whirlwind of planning and shopping. Between finding the perfect prom dress or tux, shoes, hair, make-up, nails, and jewelry — plus, planning an extravagant “promposal” — Americans spend an average of $1,000 on this popular one-night event. Graduation party planners are all booked up and ready to celebrate at the average party price tag of $1,200.

It may seem like all of your teen’s efforts and thoughts are focused on these two things, and rightfully so — they are big life events for a teenager!

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But, there are two more important decisions your teen will be making — and it’s not who their prom date is or what guests to invite to their graduation party. These two crucial decisions are:

1. To follow God

2. Who their future spouse will be

Their choice in both of these decisions will impact the rest of their life. In fact, the first choice influences the second choice tremendously.

I know this can be a challenge as teens easily get caught up in the daily grind and lose sight of formidable decisions, like these. But it’s our responsibility, as parents, to give them the guardrails to continue making the right choices that will impact the rest of their lives.

So, what do we do if we feel our son or daughter is dating the wrong person? Or, what if they are planning an over-the-top promposal with someone you are concerned about? This can be gut-wrenching for a parent and such a difficult situation to navigate. We want to tell them how we feel but we also want to give them space to make decisions for themselves. But, the best thing we can do is to teach them what to look for BEFORE the time comes. This will, hopefully, save some heartache and uncomfortable conversations in the future, for both of you.

I have three boys, who are all grown men now. But, you can be sure we had plenty of conversations as the boys were growing up about what kinds of girls they should be spending their time with. My husband and I learned a few things along the way.

First, teach them the difference between infatuation and love. If the feeling is exciting, thrilling, and causing butterflies in their stomach — it’s likely infatuation. If the feeling grows into something that is more content, peaceful, and selfless — it’s likely sparks of love. This can be so hard for people to decipher, especially teens who are in the midst of hormone hurricanes. As a test, encourage your teen to substitute the person’s name into each part of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. “Love is patient, love is kind, etc.” Have them say, “Cody is patient, Cody is kind, etc.” If it feels true, great! If not, it’s not love. This is a great indicator of what God says love is!

Second, ask a lot of questions. The key is having open communication with your child and asking good questions helps them think through making important observations. “Does Hannah wear modest clothing and use respectful language?” Or, “Does Mike get jealous, easily angered, or in constant conflict with others?” Teach your kids the red flags, and then let them spot them for themselves. It’s all about preparing them, not just protecting them.

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What else can you do, as parents, to help navigate these challenging waters of guiding your teens? Pray! As hard as it is to think about your kids growing up and getting married, there is power in praying for your child’s future spouse — before you or they even meet them! You’re inviting the Holy Spirit to work in their lives and lay the foundation for a godly marriage with your child. What a beautiful gift.

This is something my husband and I started doing when all three of our boys were babies. And now, I have had the amazing opportunity to tell my two beautiful daughter-in laws that we have been praying for them for many, many years! These are the three specific things we prayed over for our boys’ future spouses:

1. For their relationship with Jesus

2. For protection on their faith journey

3. For wisdom and discernment

There is another hidden blessing in this powerful gift. By praying over your children and their future spouses, you are investing in your future grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. You are truly investing, spiritually, in generations to come. There is no better gift than that.

So, as your dinner conversations continue to be focused on the never-ending details of prom and graduation, remind your teen that these decisions will only affect one day of their life. Use these opportunities to engage in their world, but encourage them to think about the life decisions that will truly impact them for the rest of their lives.

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Kori Pennypacker is the CEO of Bible2School, where she oversees the mission and speaks to businesses, churches, and community leaders on the topic of the importance of spiritual training for children in our communities nationwide. She has over 20 years of experience in children’s ministry and leadership.

Bible2School equips communities across the nation to provide free elective Bible classes to elementary school children DURING their public school day. Their vision is that every public school in the nation would have a dynamic Bible program taught during their school day as allowed by national released time court rulings.