OPINION:
Three years ago, my husband Ed and I were thrust into a nightmare that haunts the thoughts of many parents — a devastating and unforeseen tragedy claimed the life of our eldest daughter. LeeBeth passed away suddenly when she was only 34 years old.
Naturally, we asked ourselves why something like this happened to us. In our estimation, we are a good family, love God, and serve Him as pastors and yet, our daughter struggled with depression, anxiety, and addiction. Why? Why us? Why her?
In the first few days after LeeBeth’s passing, even the “once normal” sound of laughter struck an odd chord within us. Deep grief constricted our throats, rendering us speechless, and tears welled up at unpredictable times. When someone asked if we needed anything, we knew our one true desire could never be met: “Please, take away this pain, mend this shattered heart, and return our precious daughter to us.”
We have continued to navigate the rough seas of pain and sorrow through our only hope, our faith! Storms will rage at some point in our lives. Pain is a universal quotient and we have learned that no human is exempt – not even a pastor. We navigated how to survive our storm through the one anchor that will hold us and never leave us.
Too many of us rely on faulty anchors such as wealth, status, a good family, or even charitable work. These things will never sustain us in the stormy seas of pain and suffering.
When Ed was a young boy, he found a hobby that he loved, fishing. And even now, fishing is a passion that he still loves. Growing up beside a pond, he needed an anchor for his small rowboat, from which he would cast his fishing lines. With ingenuity, he fashioned his own anchor from a sizable plastic bottle, sand, and a length of clothesline. However, when the winds grew fierce, his homemade plastic anchor proved hopeless. The line was too short, the sand would escape, and the wind would blow his little boat around the pond.
We acknowledged that fact during the difficult periods of our life. When our son was diagnosed with a genetic disorder, when our daughter developed an eating disorder, when Ed had open heart surgery, and when LeeBeth lost her battle with addiction, we knew we needed more than a plastic anchor!
Plastic anchors are worthless in the smallest of winds and even more so when those hurricane-force winds of devastation hit. Your plastic anchor might represent material wealth, a pursuit aimed at numbing the ache of suffering. It might also manifest as a person or a substance, temporarily alleviating pain. But these anchors fail to provide lasting comfort or hope when confronted with the looming threat of a rogue wave.
While they may offer momentary distraction or provide temporary stability, they cannot provide the grounding we need to weather life’s most tempestuous storms. Sooner or later, we would inevitably drift aimlessly, seeking a more profound and enduring source of peace. Only the anchor we have in God can stabilize us and sustain us.
Through this journey, we have discovered how God gives purpose to our pain and uses it not only to draw us closer to Him but to help others along their path through pain.
What we found to be crucial is to shift from “why me” to “what now?” This pivot won’t happen immediately, but it needs to happen at some point so that we can begin to see God’s plan in and through our pain. As we made this shift, we began to pray, “Here we are Lord, what are you going to do with this pain we are experiencing?”
We would trade anything to have our daughter back with us on this earth. We miss her deeply and long for more time together. However, we know where she is, and we know that one day we will be together again. In the meantime, we will trust the Lord with all of our hearts and watch as He alone uses this pain for a greater purpose than we can comprehend. The path through pain is never easy but you can be assured that you don’t have to walk it alone.
His purpose is clear. He desires to grow you stronger through your pain, give others hope through your pain, and glorify Himself through your pain.
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New York Times bestselling author and cofounding pastor of Fellowship Church Lisa Young’s new book is “A Path through Pain.”
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