OPINION:
A friend recently paid off her student loans after 10 long years. That thankless journey to some semblance of financial independence seemed to be an occasion worth marking with some sort of token, and so it was.
The friend, having been raised in the South, was polite and grateful, but she was clearly not comfortable about receiving a gift for what she believed was simply doing the responsible thing.
We can all appreciate that approach. Part of the problem we face in the United States is that too many people are rewarded, psychologically or otherwise, for doing what they are supposed to do. On the other hand, celebrating achievements — of all kinds — is probably worthwhile.
Whatever one thinks, the experience should make one think about the role of gratitude in the lives of individuals, social groups and nations. The simple and unfortunate reality is that many people seem uncomfortable with gratitude.
That makes sense. Embedded in gratitude is the idea that someone did something for you, that you might owe someone something.
Compare that with feelings of sorrow, remorse and regret. When we apologize to someone, we are essentially asking their permission to let go of our regret about whatever happened (or didn’t happen) and our role in it. In short, we are seeking to unburden ourselves of an obligation to the aggrieved party.
Gratitude, however, is an acknowledgment of a debt, an obligation to someone. Indeed, even at this late date in the republic, it is not uncommon in the American West to hear the phrase “much obliged” in the place of “thank you.” Think about the phrase “much obliged” for a moment, and you will understand the nature of gratitude and obligation.
The important thing about gratitude is it binds us to one another. Everyone is or should be grateful to all kinds of people — mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, siblings, teachers, doctors, nurses, bus drivers, neighbors, coaches, etc. The list is, as a practical matter, infinite.
There’s no way we can pay all those people back. That’s OK, just like it is OK that everyone who is obliged to us can’t possibly repay us. Most of us, if we’re thinking about it the right way, rarely even consider what we are owed by family, neighbors or even strangers.
In short, there is no way to keep a complete account of everything that we really owe to the people who made our lives possible. Nor is there any way to keep a complete account of who owes us. That’s all for the best. Who would want to live in a world where gifts and gratitude for them were parceled out in measurable increments?
So, don’t be afraid of gratitude. It is a recognition that someone has done something nice for you. It is not a precursor to some invoice that will eventually come due.
More importantly, it is one of the small, beautiful and powerful sentiments that knit us together as friends, families, societies and nations.
• Michael McKenna, a columnist for The Washington Times, is president of MWR Strategies. He was most recently a deputy assistant to the president and deputy director of the Office of Legislative Affairs at the White House. He can be reached at mike@mwrstrat.com.
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