OPINION:
Dear Dr. E: If you were limited to just one bit of advice for 2024, what would it be? What resolution would you suggest for our country? — HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM A LOYAL FAN IN LOUISIANA
Dear Loyal: If I were limited to just one word of advice for a nationwide New Year’s resolution, it would be this: Stop affirming your children and start confronting them. In other words, be sure your sons and daughters understand that the world is broken, evil exists, sin is real, and if they want to fix the mess, the best place to start is to look in the mirror rather than out the window.
Chuck Colson once said, “Nowhere does the clash of worldviews have a greater social impact than in the denial of sin.” The sin-denying, child-affirming worldview of helicopter parenting has resulted in our youngest generations losing any healthy sense of personal guilt and responsibility. By coddling rather than confronting our kids, we have created a culture of moral monsters with no understanding of the difference between virtue and vice and no awareness of their own culpability, failures, brokenness, and sin.
We do our children no favors by enabling them to think it is always someone else’s fault. Whether it be the government, the coach, the teacher, or the principal, everything and everyone else is to blame. The consequence of this coddling is pervasive. It has permeated our public schools, college campuses, and now even our corporate boardrooms, our nation’s courts, and halls of Congress.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that something is terribly wrong. Cries for “safe spaces” and “trigger warnings” do not lend themselves to national security, inspiring leadership, or a sense of cultural confidence. The “coddled and comfortable club” is not one that wins many battles at home or abroad.
So, as we say goodbye to 2023 and welcome in the New Year, here’s my advice: Stop trying to be your son’s or daughter’s best friend and start doing your job. You’re a parent, not a pal. Lead your children and quit following them.
Teach them that acting like they know more than they know actually betrays that they know very little.
Remind them that a humble heart is always better than a proud mind.
Tell them that they never really know enough until they recognize God alone knows it all.
Don’t be content with their safety.
Don’t coddle them.
Challenge them.
Push them toward dissonance.
Don’t accept denial, defensiveness, or distractions. Make them wrestle with uncomfortable ideas. Look for the conflicts that will strengthen their resolve and mold their character. Stop trying to create a world that is safe and comfortable. Don’t assuage their guilt or ignore their sin. Remember that God is a confronter as much as he is a comforter and that he demands repentance and condemns self-righteousness.
Tell them the answers to life are not found in thinking about themselves but in submission to a Savior.
Teach your sons and daughters the virtue of confession rather than the vice of complaining. Model healthy confrontation. Stop the coddling. Stop the enablement.
Instill in your kids an ethic to work hard and expect nothing. Show them how to have difficult conversations. Don’t shelter them from contrary ideas or a robust disagreement. Show them how to recognize lies and how to fight them with the power and principles of truth.
Instill in your children an instinct to exalt what is right and condemn what is wrong, even when they see it in themselves.
Teach them to value free speech even when it is in opposition to their own opinions. Train them to see dignity in every person and the right of others to disagree, but also teach them to debate and defend their own beliefs to the death if they must.
Stop affirming your sons and daughters when they don’t deserve it, and make sure they know these simple, immutable facts: They are great sinners. Christ is an even greater Savior. And that there is little about them that is right unless they submit to His rule.
If you are seeking guidance in today’s changing world, Higher Ground is there for you. Everett Piper, a Ph.D. and a former university president and radio host, takes your questions in his weekly ’Ask Dr. E’ column. If you have moral or ethical questions for which you’d like an answer, please email askeverett@washingtontimes.com and he may include it in a future column.
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