OPINION:
There’s a Dr. Seuss story playing out in real life on Twitter right now, which is a funny thing to say since Twitter is far from real life most of the time. But since Elon Musk brought some changes to the social media platform he bought, this is exactly what’s happening.
In the Seuss story “The Sneetches,” the title characters are birdlike creatures who all look very similar, except some of them have stars on their bellies. The ones with stars feel superior to the ones without them and treat them like second-class Sneetches.
Everything changes when a businessman shows up with a machine that can put stars on the plain-bellied Sneetches.
“We’re exactly like you!” the newly starred Sneetches tell the ones who already had them. “You can’t tell us apart.”
But the elitist Sneetches don’t like losing their special status.
“Good grief,” the original ones say. “We’re still the best Sneetches, and they are the worst. But, now, how in the world will we know?”
The businessman has an answer for that as well: a machine that removes unwanted stars. The snobby Sneetches gladly undergo this procedure.
“We know who is who!” they say. “Now there isn’t a doubt. The best kind of Sneetches are Sneetches without!”
It’s a parable about discrimination, and it ends with the Sneetches running from machine to machine until no one is sure who began with a star and who didn’t.
This is almost precisely what is playing out on Twitter right now.
Mr. Musk has changed his verified user program, which used to award blue check marks to people with prominence of some sort, whether they were government officials, media figures, journalists, celebrities, users with large followings, or in some way otherwise notable. Under the new Twitter Blue, users pay for the verified program, which is open to everyone willing to hand over $8 a month and a phone number to prove who they are.
(Full disclosure: My Twitter account had a blue check mark under the old system, but it was removed when Twitter Blue took effect. I have applied for the new blue check, which hasn’t yet appeared as this column is being written, because I do want people to know that it’s really my account, and because there are a number of features that are attractive, including the ability to post longer thoughts and videos.)
Many of the original star-bellied Sneetches on Twitter clearly don’t like commoners flooding their exclusive club and are sneering at folks who are forking over the $8.
“I’m having an unbelievably great time right now,” tweeted Ben Collins of NBC News, openly expressing his glee in keeping the unwashed masses away from his Twitter timeline. “Blocking people who pay for this website is like using a neti pot on your brain.”
Mr. Collins, it’s worth noting, was suspended once already by his employer because he was unable to contain his personal disdain for Mr. Musk while covering Twitter. It’s astounding that NBC allows him to continuously express condescending opinions about the people and subjects he writes about.
But the dawning Blue Check Mark Wars involve much more than just smug, whiny, very online reporters. After Mr. Musk restored the verified symbol to some high-profile accounts, apparently without cost, many of those users sought to assure their followers that they had nothing to do with it.
Author Stephen King tweeted: “My Twitter account says I’ve subscribed to Twitter Blue. I haven’t.”
Actor Jason Alexander, who most people know as the insufferably selfish and insecure “George” from TV’s “Seinfeld,” called the new program “madness” and protested that he “paid nothing.”
Liberal lawyer and Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe claimed to have somehow shed the monstrous check mark by adding the Ukraine flag to his username, sort of like Seuss’ Star-off machine. He did this, he tweeted, “out of solidarity with those who got stripped of their blue checkmarks and refused to pay to get them reinstated.”
Anti-gun activist David Hogg groveled, calling the blue check a “cringe mark” and tweeting that he was “so sorry to anyone who thinks I paid for Twitter blue and that I caved in. I did not.”
MSNBC producer Kyle Griffin, who for some reason has 1.3 million Twitter followers, tweeted simply: “I did not subscribe to Twitter Blue. I would never.”
They’ve all convinced one another that Mr. Musk is evil, and so, opposing everything about him is their newest religion.
How painfully conflicting this must be. They want everyone to know that they’re not giving Mr. Musk any money, but they can’t stop using his platform and providing content for nothing.
In any event, those mentioned above are the first heroes of the Blue Check Mark Wars. Long may their virtue be remembered.
• Tim Murtaugh is a Washington Times columnist and vice president for communication strategy at National Public Affairs, a political consulting firm.
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