OPINION:
Hell hath no fury like a porn star scorned.
Stormy Daniels is on another publicity tour to defend her honor, dignity and chastity. At least she is wearing pants.
America is being invaded by drug cartels and human smuggling warlords. We are on the brink of nuclear war with a country we beat into submission three decades ago. We are $30 trillion in debt, and mental disease is sweeping the country.
Yet all the political press cares about these days is a porn star who got paid $130,000 by Donald Trump to keep her mouth shut nearly a decade ago. Apparently, keeping her mouth shut is not Stormy Daniels’ strong suit. Which maybe explains her primary choice of profession.
And 130,000 clams is a lot of sweaty, crumpled bills from a lot of lap dances at a lot of jiggle joints.
Anyway, Stormy Daniels has got a lot to say.
“It wasn’t a kiss and tell,” she said of her alleged affair with Donald Trump, which is technically accurate. It wasn’t.
If the affair even happened, it was not a “kiss and tell.” It was a “kiss, cash the checks and tell.”
Yet somehow, Stormy Daniels is still the victim.
“I thought he was going to get away with not being held accountable,” she told Piers Morgan on Fox Nation last week. To his considerable credit, Mr. Morgan lasted 90 minutes with Ms. Daniels. The interview goes on and on and on.
She said the vitriol directed at her has intensified.
“The first time around it was mostly ‘liar,’ you know, ‘skank,’ ‘whore’ — that kind of stuff,” she said.
“Now they’re doing it like a suicide bomber. They truly — in the depths of their soul — they feel like they are doing the right thing.”
It’s gotten so bad, Ms. Daniels explained, she has been forced into the uncomfortable position of performing personal, private bodily functions in front of grown men to whom she is not married.
“I didn’t even pee by myself for almost two years!” she said.
“I’m pretty independent. I’m pretty tough. I’m a writer and a director,” she said. “And then suddenly I didn’t get to use the bathroom without two big armed bodyguards watching me pee for two years.”
Can you imagine how awkward this must have been for her?
Ms. Daniels said the only reason she accepted the “hush money” from Mr. Trump was because she was so embarrassed by the alleged tryst.
“As a matter of fact, I took the money because I didn’t want anybody to know,” she said.
Now, I am not a lawyer or an accountant, but perhaps in that case she should have been the one paying the “hush money” in this whole elaborate arrangement. And instead of this unending circus, we could be talking about all of the great policies that got Mr. Trump elected president in the first place.
Ever coy, Ms. Daniels said she was not desperately glued to the television for her latest star turn in the spotlight. In fact, she told Mr. Morgan that when Mr. Trump got indicted, she was out riding a horse named Redemption.
“I’m straddling a horse named Redemption when he got indicted,” she said.
Dear Lord, William Shakespeare is rolling in his grave that he wasn’t born 400 years later so that he could write about these people.
“Redemption is his name,” she explained to a slightly bewildered Mr. Morgan. “I can’t make this up. My whole life is a freaking SNL skit.”
• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at The Washington Times.
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