All Mariah Carey wants for Christmas is you (baby), but Washington’s sports teams need a lot more than that.
The Commanders are currently the NFC’s last wild card team, but it could be a challenge for them to hold onto that spot. The Capitals have spent most of the NHL season out of the playoffs, while the Wizards are near the bottom of the NBA standings and the Nationals are coming off a year as MLB’s worst team.
With Christmas just a few days away, all four teams have some big items on their lists for Santa this year.
Here’s one thing each Washington sports team should ask Ol’ Saint Nick for Christmas:
Commanders: A lion’s cage
The Fighting Taylor Heinickes control their playoff fate, but with a tough remaining schedule, it will be an uphill battle to make the postseason.
So, Ron Rivera & Co. may need some help. This gift will come in handy to tame those suddenly pesky Detroit Lions, who are nipping at the Commanders’ heels for the final NFC wild-card spot.
The Commanders (7-6-1) are barely ahead of the Lions (7-7), but Detroit’s remaining schedule is much easier than Washington’s. The Lions play the Panthers, Bears and Packers (oh my), while the Commanders have games against the 49ers, Browns and Cowboys — two playoff teams in San Francisco and Dallas as well as a Cleveland squad with Deshaun Watson now under center.
The Lions losing a game or two would go a long way in helping Washington make the playoffs for the second time in three years.
Of course, Detroit isn’t the only team chasing the Commanders. The Seahawks and Packers both have chances to usurp Washington of its wild card spot as well, although Seattle and Green Bay have more difficult remaining schedules than Detroit.
So, throw the bird and the meatpacker in the lion’s cage, too.
Wizards: A trade partner
While the Commanders are staving off enemies, the Wizards could use a friend for Christmas.
After starting the season 10-7, the Wizards went 2-13 in their next 15 games — including a 10-game losing streak they snapped on Tuesday.
Now significantly below .500 on the season and closer to last place in the Eastern Conference than a top-six playoff spot, rumors are swirling that the Wizards could be sellers at the trade deadline.
Whether that’s Bradley Beal, Kyle Kuzma, Kristaps Porzingis, multiple of those stars or all of them — who knows? Either way, if Washington can’t turn its season around quickly, contending teams will come calling.
A desperate trade partner willing to give up future first-round picks and young talent would be an excellent present for the struggling Wizards to find under their Christmas tree.
Capitals: Chakra crystals
While the Capitals entered Thursday barely out of the playoffs, Santa needs to recognize that the first three months of the NHL season haven’t been easy.
For the first time in recent years, the Capitals started the season slowly and have had to battle their way out of the cellar of the Eastern Conference to now be a team fighting for a wild card spot.
A large reason why the Capitals aren’t at the top of the Metropolitan Division is due to a rash of injuries — and the healing properties of these chakra crystals could come in handy.
Forwards Nicklas Backstrom (hip), Tom Wilson (ACL) and Carl Hagelin (hip) have yet to play this season. Forward Connor Brown (ACL) was injured in October and is likely out for the season. And several other key players have missed time, including winger T.J. Oshie (12 missed games) and defensemen Dmitry Orlov (16) and John Carlson (six).
On a per-game basis, Washington leads the NHL in just over $11 million in lost time on injured reserve, according to NHL Injury Viz. Only one other team is over $8 million.
The Capitals are in a much better spot at Christmas than they were at Thanksgiving, but some healing crystals wouldn’t hurt.
Nationals: Holy water
If the Capitals need healing crystals to solve their injury issues, the Nationals could ask for holy water for Stephen Strasburg.
The 34-year-old has thrown only 31 1/3 innings since winning the 2019 World Series MVP award. Last year, he started one big-league game before going back on the shelf with a ribs injury connected to his thoracic outlet syndrome.
After losing an MLB-worst 107 games in 2022, the rebuilding Nationals are poised for another campaign near the bottom of the standings. But there are surprises in every season, like the Baltimore Orioles competing for a playoff spot this past year.
If the Nationals have any chance of playing meaningful games in September 2023, having a healthy Strasburg would be a big boost.
• Jacob Calvin Meyer can be reached at jmeyer@washingtontimes.com.
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