One shot, two shots, three shots, four

OPINION:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just announced new coronavirus guidelines that said some people, some people with vulnerabilities, some people with compromised immunities, may indeed, should indeed, may very well mightily should indeed get — get this — a fourth shot.

Oh, “Saturday Night Live,” where are you? This is made for comedy stuff, folks. It’s fodder just spilling for the funny-man taking.

First came the “two weeks to flatten the curve” argument, the one that turned into, “oh, oops, we meant two years.” Put that on your “Animal Farm” barn side and deal with it.

Then came the “if one face mask is good, two face masks are better” lines of science, leading to the mildly plausible conclusion that, well then, that must mean 20 face masks are even better-er. It’s science, dontcha know.

Then came U.S. Surgeon General Jerome Adams and his videotaped instructional on how to fabricate a face mask out of a piece of old cloth. Or T-shirt. Or bandana. Or even, in extreme circumstances, roll of toilet paper. Voila; a little duckie tape and God’s immune system is complete. It is finished, as they say. More of dat dere science.

Then came the flippy-floppy televised wave of face mask by the highly esteemed, highly scholarly, highly notable, highly regarded Dr. Robert Redfield, as he claimed, on Capitol Hill, and to paraphrase, “this lil’ ol’ piece of cloth is all the world needs to save lives, save jobs, save children from otherwise certain death.” Not enough to save Christmas 2020, it seemed — but nothing’s perfect. Right? Except face masks. As Redfield rallied, they’re better than the vaccines. Yep. That’s what we were told. Until later, when we were told the vaccines were actually better than the face masks. That’s when we were also told that we didn’t have to wear face masks if we were vaccinated. Until later, when we got vaccinated and were then told we still had to wear face masks.

But that’s only because the vaccinations that we were told were 80 percent, 90 percent, give or take 180-to-190 percent, maybe even a bazillion percent effective against the coronavirus turned out to be only about, oh, umm, a teeny bit percent effective against the coronavirus. Thank God for the booster, right? The booster was gonna save. The booster was definitely going to save millions, no, billions of lives, both Democrat and Republican lives, even MAGA-supporting lives. Until it didn’t, that is. So then came another booster. Another booster; another “gonna save.” Until it didn’t, that is.

Well. 

“The [CDC] said in updated guidelines,” Axios wrote, “that some immunocompromised people who have received either Pfizer or Moderna’s COVID-19 vaccines will be able to get a fourth shot.”

Lucky day.

Lucky dogs.

The government may be completely incompetent when it comes to saving American citizens from the scourge of coronavirus. The government may be completely disingenuous when it comes to messaging truths about the coronavirus, about the COVID-19 vaccines, about the efficacy and safety and worthiness of vaccines versus natural immunity. The government, along with its opioid-settlement paying Big Pharma players in the bureaucratic world of health, may be completely conflicted of interest when it comes to recommending, nay, mandating, medical decisions for supposedly free American citizens. The government may be completely evil in its weaponization of the coronavirus to score political points and enact unconstitutional, tyrannical-type agendas that better belong in China than in free America — and that, in truth, probably are borne of secret partnerships between compromised U.S. pols and insidious forces from the communist country.

But at least government is comedic relief.

One shot, two shots, three shots, four. Please, please, Dr. Fauci, may I have some more. Wait a month, wait a week, wait for a wayward wisp of wind to blow through bureaucracies’ hallowed halls. A fifth booster is no doubt already afloat. Maybe even a sixth? As sure as sure can be, as sure even as a puppy and an Anthony Fauci don’t a happy partnership make, this is one comedy of dunces that never ends. The left simply won’t let it. Chaos and confusion are too good for collectivist business.

• Cheryl Chumley can be reached at cchumley@washingtontimes.com or on Twitter, @ckchumley. Listen to her podcast “Bold and Blunt” by clicking HERE. And never miss her column; subscribe to her newsletter by clicking HERE. Her latest book, “Socialists Don’t Sleep: Christians Must Rise Or America Will Fall,” is available by clicking HERE.