Climbing into bed with the Kraken

OPINION:

It is a true fact that nobody has ever seen Sidney Powell and Paul Revere in the same place at the same time. Could Sidney Powell, in fact, be Paul Revere?

She, a modern-day Paul Revere? Sounding the alarm of a “Kraken” of election corruption? Dressed as Joan of Arc astride a white stallion? With a gleaming helmet of perfectly-coifed hair — hair greater even than President Trump’s unflappable ’do?

Even under the glare of the hottest sun in the presence of his most loathsome enemies, Mr. Trump’s scalp never leaks orange. Those colors do not run!

And neither do Sidney Powell’s. Her helmet is more perfect than a phone call with the Ukrainian president.

“Release the Kraken!” she vows.

Riding a white stallion, she promises to save America from the Trojan voting machines snuck into our country after Hugo Chavez filled them with election ninjas hellbent on stealing the election for Joe Biden — the best hope socialists ever had in America.

This is a truly remarkable feat for Chavez, who has supposedly been dead going on seven years now.

Our valiant Sidney of Arc has not explained what role — if any — these corrupted voting machines played in the 2016 election, when Mr. Trump handily beat Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Did Chavez program the machines to only corrupt the 2020 election, but not the 2016 election?

Is he actually running this whole phishing operation from the grave? (Full disclosure: I have no idea what “phishing” means but if I were a druggie I would definitely smoke a joint right about now.)

Or, are we really missing the big story here? Did Chavez fake his own death? So that he could organize the “Big Steal” in the 2020 election between Mr. Trump and a muttering cadaver who refused even to campaign for the presidency?

Now I get it. A reasonable person might evaluate all these various improbabilities and conclude that somebody is lying. Maybe Kraken is just a myth. Somebody got a jump on Christmas and decided to take a bath in a vat of egg nog. Somebody finally surrendered to 2020 and climbed into bed with the Kraken and is now smoking a joint laced with fentanyl made in China.

Except for one thing. This is our new world — the world of politics — in the age of Trump.

Anything is possible. So long as Democrats are on the field fighting Mr. Trump and so long as our nation’s political media are the referees, literally anything is possible.

Remember, just a few years ago, Gen. Michael Flynn was caught on a wiretap by the Obama administration allegedly peddling influence to America’s enemies? He was swiftly convicted by the media and bound for jail.

At the same time, another “Michael” — porn star lawyer Michael Avenatti — was feted by all the media, given hours of television talk time and heralded as the great Trump-slayer who would be America’s next president.

Today, thanks to Sidney of Arc — our modern-day Paul Revere — Gen. Flynn has been exonerated and Avenatti has gone to prison.

And, remember, four years ago when the media and the government intelligence community revolted after Mr. Trump reported that his campaign had been spied on by the Obama administration?

All true.

And remember the whole “Steele Dossier” passed around at the highest levels of our government? It implicated Mr. Trump in an elaborate scheme to collude with Russia.

In Mr. Trump’s first meeting with the very head of his FBI, Director Jim Comey told the president how they already knew about the hookers in a Moscow hotel room and all the unprintable details.

Imagine for a moment the utter bafflement of the new president on hearing about such lunacy from a supposedly serious person.

Of course, it was all completely fabricated. Fabricated by political enemies, yet weaponized at the highest levels by the most powerful actors in our government.

The dossier was literally paid for by Democrats and Mrs. Clinton’s campaign — yet still used as a pretense to launch a spying operation into Mr. Trump and his campaign. And later used by House Democrats — led by the perennially dishonest Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff — to impeach the president.

Those are just a handful of the biggest conspiracy scams launched against Mr. Trump by Democrats in Washington and their trained mange cats in the political media. There isn’t enough ink in the pages of this newspaper to chronicle all of them in one sitting.

But they are everywhere. They have been going on for years now. They have been relentless.

So, sure, our modern-day Paul Revere — Sidney of Arc — has leveled some fierce accusations against Mr. Trump’s opponents. Who knows if they are true.

Heck, she may be a crazy liar. But if she is, she is only one of a thousand crazy liars we have seen these past four years out of Washington.

• Charles Hurt is opinion editor of The Washington Times. He can be reached at churt@washingtontimes.com or @charleshurt3 on Parler.