BRYSON CITY, N.C. (AP) - Nicole Parton tears up and her voice shakes when she talks about the bullying endured by her 11-year-old son, whose photo was taken while he was in a school bathroom stall and shared on social media.
Waylon, a sixth-grader at Swain County Middle, was in the restroom during a break from baseball practice in April when a teammate took the photo, Parton said.
Within minutes, it had been shown to other players and posted to various social media platforms, she said.
“The days since have been a roller coaster of trauma and fear for her family,” Parton said. “But they have also come be a time of empowerment.”
The family’s pain has ignited debate in Swain County over how best to deal with bullying in the age of social media, putting Parton at the forefront of a countywide movement pushing for more dialogue, an increase in punishment for bullies and special training for teachers.
The nonprofit organization Parents Against Bullying NC, based in Shelby, investigated Parton’s account and has agreed to help her establish an anti-bullying task force. The group looks into cases of bullying across North Carolina.
Parton shared email exchanges from the Board of Education and social media posts about her son’s case with Samantha Davis, founder of the nonprofit.
“We did our own internal investigation and sent letters from our organization to lawyers at the school board after reading email exchanges between Nicole and them,” Davis said. “These emails detailed the incident which we found to be true, but the school board declined to communicate further with us.”
Swain County school board members have not commented publicly due to the age of the students involved and because of federal laws prohibiting public disclosure of student matters.
Parton said her son could not escape the torment, which lasted for days.
He was not even able to play his video games without being teased about the photo, since most video gaming platforms allow users to talk to one another, she said.
“He has dealt with bullying in the past because he is big for his age, and is our gentle giant, but it has gotten to the point where he holds a lot of stuff in,” Parton said. “After the teasing wouldn’t stop, he went to his dad and told him that he was having a hard time dealing with it and that he didn’t know if he could take it anymore. That’s when we got scared and realized we needed to do something.”
That led to a series of meetings between the Parton family, the Board of Education and acting Superintendent Mark Sale, who was previously principal of Swain High School.
The conversations led to frustration, as the school told her there was only so much they could do, Parton recalled.
“The student who took the photo did get suspended for a few days and missed a few games, but he was not taken off the baseball team, which is what we asked for,” Parton said. “They said that was an unfair punishment, but what about our son who was no longer comfortable being on the team?”
School district communications director Toby Burrell said the school system could not comment on what happened to Parton’s son.
“The Board of Education takes the safety and well-being of all Swain County students very seriously. Each situation is handled based upon the evidence available and often the specifics of an allegation are in dispute or cannot be proven,” the school district said in a statement.
Parton pushed for the student who took the photo to be removed so Waylon could continue playing. She said the board instead recommended it may not be in the best interest for Waylon to continue being part of the team if he was going to feel uncomfortable.
Waylon decided to quit - not just the school baseball team, but also the club travel team.
“He loved the sport but couldn’t face going back to his teammates,” Parton said.
Parton said she knows what happened to Waylon can never be fully erased. Instead of dwelling on it, the Partons decided to focus on changing school policies.
“We are a small town and we all know someone who has kids who have committed suicide because of incidents like this,” Parton said. “These administrators have sent the wrong message - you can’t right the wrong that was done to Waylon, but now I’m asking for the policy to change.”
Because of Parton’s relentless efforts over the past two months, Parents Against Bullying NC has agreed to help create an anti-bullying task force in Swain.
“They come in and counsel parents on how to get organized and connect with school administrators,” Parton said. “We want to be an advocate for kids, since their voices aren’t being heard.”
Trya Lambert, a pediatric nurse and close friend of Parton, experienced the isolation of being the parent of a bullied student firsthand while her son was attending Swain Middle.
“My son over the past six years has had severe depression and talked about suicide two different times, because the bullying never really stops,” Lambert said. “He would say he was having scary thoughts and it has followed him all through school.”
Having the courage to speak out and turn such a negative situation into a local movement is a rare and courageous act, Lambert said. As a pediatric nurse in Swain, she works with children who have experienced severe bullying who cope with lasting anxiety.
Waylon’s bravery is uncommon, she said, as is Parton’s committed approach to working for real change.
“First, it’s empowering being able to say I am no longer quiet and if they can get that first gust of strength then they can ride that wave,” Lambert said. “Once other people speak out you realize you are no longer fighting a battle all by yourself. You learn about some people who have survived it who experienced things either just as bad as you or worse and now they are thriving.”
Lambert is one of a handful of mothers who have rallied around Nicole and Waylon Parton and joined the anti-bullying task force.
“It gives you hope that there is something on the other side,” she said.
Over the next few months, as Parton continues to meet with the Board of Education and speak at public meetings, she said she wants to see school bullying policies updated to reflect the dangers of social media, creation of an anti-bullying task force, use of volunteer parents to monitor hallways and be a source for students and added training for teachers on how to recognize signs of bullying.
Parton said she wants something positive to come from what happened to her son, but she also knows change shouldn’t just start and end at the schools.
“It is not a school’s job to raise our kids for us so it has to be a community effort,” Parton said. “The cycle of bullying is vicious and it’s not just boys being boys anymore. Times have changed and we want people to realize it takes a community to raise these kids.”
Davis, founder of the nonprofit Parents Against Bullying NC, started the organization in 2013 after her son was severely bullied because he struggled with Asperger Syndrome.
“I was alone and felt by myself while dealing with my son’s bullying and I started to wonder how many others were going through this,” Davis said. “I didn’t want anyone else to feel how I did which was deflated.”
Davis said she discovered the more she opened up and shared her son’s story, others felt encouraged to open up as well.
She launched the first anti-bullying task force in Shelby and has since worked on hundreds of bullying cases in collaboration with the school board and sheriff’s office.
“Without us, there is no awareness, no one sticking up for our kids,” Davis said. “We are told every day by someone how much we are appreciated and how much they respect us. We are the voice for these kids and parents.”
Davis said she has watched as bullying has increased and said her concerns about school shootings has shifted from not if, but when.
“A lot of school shootings are happening because the shooter is being bullied and no one is helping this child,” Davis said. “If we don’t get a grip on bullying and admit it’s a problem then we aren’t going to solve the problem.”
Davis and her team are managing 40 cases of bullying. They range from mild to the point where students have told parents they want to die, Davis said.
At the end of May, Davis said she spoke to the parents of a child who had to be transferred to a mental health hospital because of bullying in Winston-Salem.
“This high school student tried to commit suicide because of bullying and this is not a unique case,” Davis said. “Kids are killing themselves every day because of bullying and we as a state have a responsibility to stop this.”
Parton and other parents involved in the anti-bullying effort will be giving a presentation at the next school board meeting June 18.
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Information from: The Asheville Citizen-Times, http://www.citizen-times.com
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