‘Slimeball’ versus Stormy Daniels

OPINION:

Call it a pole-dancing standoff between the Siren Stripper and the Leakin’ Lyin’ Nasty Giraffe, code-named “Slimeball” by the highest levels of the United States government.

As Stormy Daniels jiggled her way through West Palm Beach this weekend collecting bills stuffed in her bikini pants, ex-FBI director Jim Comey was similarly shaking his moneymaker on camera, desperately trying to gin up attention and shakedown some loot after being spectacularly fired last year by the president.

As many Americans know, losing your job and being out of work for a year can be both financially devastating and emotionally torturous.

“Slimeball” has coped the best he could, writing self-affirmation verses such as “A Higher Loyalty: Truth Lies and Leadership.”

But now he’s got to make some money. So, like Stormy Daniels, he is taking his show on the road.

Miss Daniels titled hers the “Make America Horny Again” tour. Tickets start at $25.

“Slimeball” is commanding $1,000 a ticket, according to reports, to hear him hawk his book of self-adulation.

He quotes private conversations with ex-President Barack Obama, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and others supposedly heaping enormous praise on the sacked G-man.

This, after “Slimeball” was widely blamed by both sides of the political spectrum for disastrously inserting the FBI into the 2016 presidential election.

First, he made a devastating case for prosecuting Hillary Clinton for her reckless disregard for national secrets using her illegal bathroom email server. Yet, in the same press conference, announced he was giving her a pass on all of her crimes.

We have since learned that he and the entire cabal of Clinton cronies at the FBI and Department of Justice rigged not only that investigation but also the separate investigation into the Clinton Foundation.

Remember, the Clinton Foundation investigation centered on compelling evidence that the Clinton Cartel was using the foundation for a global shakedown and extortion racket. They were raking in hundreds of millions in “speaking fees” and other donations in exchange for favors that could be performed far into the future — assuming, of course, that Hillary Clinton was a shoo-in for the White House.

“Slimeball” struck again when, just days before the election, he inserted his FBI once again into the presidential race by announcing he was reopening the investigation into Mrs. Clinton’s email scandal.

But screwing multiple people at the same time is not the only similarity between Stormy Daniels and “Slimeball” Comey.

Actually, the list of multiple people screwed by “Slimeball” is significantly longer than the list of multiple people screwed by Miss Daniels.

For Miss Daniels, you have to check out her movie credits. WARNING: NSFW. Or, not safe anyplace, really.

For Mr. Comey, it’s literally in the millions.

You have Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton (ewww), Barack Obama, Donald Trump and Loretta Lynch — that last screwing was a highly intricate act that involved the use of the underside of a bus.

But then, there are also the millions of Democratic voters and Republican voters also simultaneously screwed by “Slimeball.”

In addition, Mr. Comey also screwed all the good, hardworking men and women of the FBI and DOJ whose reputations have been left in tatters by his monstrous, egomaniacal public nymphomania.

In the end, Jim “Lyin’ Leakin’ Nasty Giraffe” Comey — code-named “Slimeball” — is nothing more than a stripper without a pole. He is a porn star, minus the talent or the looks.

I really do hate to denigrate strippers and porn stars by comparing any of them to Jim Comey. But there really is no other way to describe the political peep show going on in America right now.

Actually, come to think of it, has anyone ever actually seen Stormy Daniels and Jim Comey in the same place at the same time? Do we really know for sure that they are not, in fact, one and the same person?

• Contact Charles Hurt at churt@washingtontimes.com; @charleshurt