The Almighty doesn’t have the pull he used to, editors of GQ magazine are complaining, listing God at the bottom of their annual cheeky “Least Influential” list on Wednesday.
This year, the list was prefaced with a complaint about, who else, Donald Trump.
“Trump didn’t ascend to the highest office in the land on his own now, did he? No, my man got a lot of help along the way from a number of boobs, liars, and hapless idiots,” complained GQ. “These are the people who added their own little secret ingredient to the hearty gumbo of American vapidity that gave us President Trump. Without them, the most ridiculous thing ever to happen never would have happened.”
GQ then commenced its list — saying it is given “in no particular order” — starting with disgraced former Rep. Anthony Weiner and ultimately ending up with the good Lord Himself.
“Yes, God. Are you up there, God?” GQ asked. “WHAT THE F—?”
“We need You. We were already teetering on the brink of self-immolation, and that’s when things were going WELL. Now we have all this to deal with,” the magazine railed. “We’re not gonna make it if You just stay up there in the clouds playing backgammon all day and what not. We need help. AND DON’T SEND FLOODS! Floods are not the answer to everything, man.”
SEE ALSO: Hillary Clinton makes GQ’s ‘Least Influential People of 2016’
Other [dis]honorees this year include the losing Democratic presidential ticket of Hillary Clinton — “When you lose an election to Donald Trump, you belong on this list. How do you f— that up??” — and Tim Kaine — “Do we know where he is? Does he still exist? Did he ever exist?”
On the other side of the aisle, “Jeb Bush and the Bush family” also made the cut, as did TV personality Billy Bush, a first cousin to Jeb who lost his “Today” show job at NBC thanks to the now-infamous hot-mic audio with Donald Trump from 2005.
• Ken Shepherd can be reached at kshepherd@washingtontimes.com.
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