PALLISTER: Formula for fantasy football failure: Starting a Browns QB

ANALYSIS/OPINION:

I don’t know why I did it.

Maybe it was self-sabotage. I knew, deep down, it was the wrong thing to do. And I really want to do the right thing. But I did it anyway.

I don’t know why I did it.

Maybe I did it for the story. Maybe I knew, deep down, that it would fail, and failure is always more interesting.

I don’t know why I did it.

I don’t know why I started a Browns quarterback.

I’ve done some dumb things in my day, but starting Brian Hoyer over Drew Brees (yes, that Drew Brees) may top the list. I think this is dumber than trying to cook an unopened can of beans on a campfire during high school. There was an explosion, and sleeping bags burned.

I don’t know why I did it.

I just wanted to shake things up. I fell to 2-4 after six weeks and it was a hard 2-4. I needed a win. I needed hope. Benching the guy I traded for two weeks ago to turn my team around seemed edgy at the time. The Browns were playing the winless Jaguars. MATCHUPS!

My wife is right. I need to stop listening to fantasy sports radio. I’ve become too gullible in my old age.

Never trust a man who sits at a table when a barstool is open and never start a Browns quarterback in fantasy football.

I don’t know why I did it.

I hope I don’t do it again.

On a related note, my biggest problem these days is impatience (wife nods her head while reading this). Tom Brady got off to a slow start, so I traded him after three bad games. He then had a terrible game and I felt vindicated. But now he’s thrown multiple touchdowns in three straight games and I’ve gone 0-3 in that stretch. At 2-5, I feel something different than vindicated.

Week 7 Lineup Crime: Under the scoring rules in the league written about above, Brees scored 26 points, which was 26 more than Hoyer. I lost by 11.

Week 8 Lineup Time: I should probably stop guessing what Alfred Morris will do. I seem to have about as much idea as Jay Gruden. I’ll be joining the many owners who bench him this week against the Cowboys. … I do like Branden Oliver in the Chargers’ matchup against the Broncos on Thursday. It helps that I was unable to pick him up in any of my leagues. … Stick with the Lions’ Golden Tate, who is coming off a career game and now draws arguably the NFL’s worst defense. Even if Calvin Johnson returns, there are plenty of yards to go around against the Falcons. … DeAndre Hopkins has been consistently inconsistent for the Texans, but he has a good matchup against the Titans. … Given the respective directions of the teams, I wouldn’t feel confident starting any Bengal against the Ravens, but the latter’s defense is a great play. … Dare I say Jay Cutler will rebound on the road against the Patriots? I guess I just did. The Bears do travel well. … Michael Floyd should continue his ascension when the Cardinals welcome the Eagles. … Finally, don’t bench Brees. I think he’ll do pretty well against the Packers.