Back in the clink after her histrionic “It’s not right” performance at a Los Angeles courthouse, Paris Hilton told Barbara Walters in a telephone interview that she considers her jail sentence a sort of divine intervention. “My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen, and that is why I was sent to jail,” the hard-partying heiress said. “God has released me.” Though invoking a deity is a tried-and-true gambit for embattled celebrities and politicians in desperate need of public sympathy, let’s take Miss Hilton at her word and assume that she has, indeed, placed herself under the ministrations of a higher power.
Lightning bolts — “Don’t fear them; if I were angry with you, I’d have struck you dead years ago.”
Music — “Whatever you choose to do on release, please, for the love of Me, don’t record another CD.”
Monopoly — “Remember: The rules don’t let you build hotels on utilities.”
Acting dumb — “I know you told Barbara you’re giving that up. Wrong idea. Let’s remember who’s omniscient around here.”
Your possessions — “Sell them. All of them. And donate your $30 million fortune to charity. The ’Simple Life,’ forever. No, wait. Just kidding. That’s a different God.”
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