Stadler has company in Cousy

What happened to Tiger Woods between the second and 15th holes yesterday? Mr. Birdie Machine turned into Jack Par.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

We’ve gotta come up with a nickname for Kevin Stadler, Tiger’s third-round playing partner in the AT&T National. Stadler’s father Craig, of course, is “The Walrus.” How about “The Penguin”?

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Or would we have to pay D.C. Comics a royalty?

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Hole-in-One of the Week: Basketball great Bob Cousy on the 190-yard sixth hole at Worcester (Mass.) Country Club.

Why is this hole-in-one more noteworthy than Stadler’s yesterday at Congressional’s No. 13? Because it enabled the 78-year-old Cooz to shoot better than his age — for the second time this year. He finished with a 5-over 75 on the 6,422-yard layout.

Cousy was so excited, Paul Doyle of the Worcester Telegram reported, that he retrieved his ball, returned to his cart … and suddenly realized he was still holding the flagstick.

The country club’s staff phoned the news to the paper. “I was trying to get them to say it was a 5-iron,” said Cousy, an 8 handicap, “but they told the truth and said 5-wood.”

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Historical footnote: Worcester Country Club was the site of the 1925 U.S. Open, won by Willie MacFarlane over Bobby Jones in a 36-hole playoff.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Did you see Greg Oden, in his first NBA summer league game, was allowed 10 fouls before he officially fouled out? What is this, Ultimate Basketball?

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Good thing Shaquille O’Neal doesn’t play in the league. Instead of Hack-a-Shaq, you’d have Bend, Fold, Spindle and Mutilate-a-Shaq.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Ten fouls … in just 20 minutes of playing time. I’m not sure that many blows were struck in the De La Hoya-Mayweather fight.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Unfortunately, Oden was held to six points, so he missed out on his first double-double.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

“I couldn’t get into a groove tonight,” the NBA’s No. 1 pick said. “There’s always a lot of pressure out there because of who you are.”

There’s also a lot of pressure, I’m sure, knowing you’ve got only nine fouls to give.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

In the second half, I hear, the opposing team pulled its starters and inserted five stunt men.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Elsewhere in hoops, San Antonio star Tony Parker married Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria in a 45-minute ceremony in Paris. According to sources, NBA commissioner David Stern was asked to give away the bride but respectfully declined. He felt he’d done enough, it seems, giving away the Suns-Spurs series.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

You know, I was just thinking: In the time it took Parker and Longoria to get hitched, Greg Oden could have committed 22½ fouls.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

The Associated Press said Eva showed up for the ceremony wearing “towering silver heels.” Given that the woman is 5-2, maybe 5-1, she probably refers to the shoes as her “Boykins.”

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

The Celtics must have been a little alarmed when Ray Allen said, after surgery on both ankles, that his feet are “perfect … like having two new pairs of feet.”

After all, they didn’t acquire him to hit the four-footer.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

To hear the New York tabloids tell it, Alex Rodriguez is so self-absorbed, he puts the “I” in MRI.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Too bad Chuck LaMar is no longer the GM of the Devil Rays. Then he could hire Larry Bowa as his manager, and I could write: “I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry.”

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Can’t get used to the idea of a boat sponsored by Switzerland — a landlocked country — winning back-to-back America’s Cups. Next thing you know, teams from North Carolina and Anaheim will win back-to-back Stanley Cups.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Turning to tennis, the men’s doubles final at Wimbledon — in which Brazil’s Marcelo Melo and Andre Sa beat Australia’s Paul Hanley and NewZealand’s Kevin Ullyett — was one for the record books. The match lasted 102 games and two prime ministers.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Why would Mike Hargrove quit as the Mariners manager with his club playing so well? Just guessing: After 16 years as a big-league skipper, he wanted to spend more time with his sanity.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

I’ve got to believe there’s a connection between the Michael Vick/dog fighting scandal and Bob Barker’s recent retirement.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

Does it bug anybody else to read a headline that says, “Clemens first since 1963 to earn 350 wins”?

I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t Clemens also the first since ’63 — that is, since Warren Spahn — to earn 349 wins … and 348 … and 347 … and 346 … and 330 (at which point he passed Steve Carlton on the all-time list)?

Enough already.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

There’s no truth to the rumor the Joey Chestnut-Takeru Kobayashi frankfest was refereed by Wyatt Burp.

But it should have been.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

News item: A former volunteer fireman who was arrested in a Mason, Ohio, park dressed in a woman’s wig and bikini has accepted a plea deal that drops the charge of public indecency.

Comment: This clears the way for him to appear in next year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

{bullet} {bullet} {bullet}

And finally …

He might even land a guest spot on that new reality series, “I’ve Got Nothing To Wear.”